We’re living Separately in one home

Dear Coleen

I am so unhappy. I’ve been married to my husband for 35 years and we have two grown-up sons.

My husband barely speaks to me these days. We’ve been unhappy for so many years, I honestly can’t remember the last time we were happy in each other’s company or said anything nice to each other.

We just go through the motions of daily life, like two separate people who happen to have created a life together and live in the same house.

He moved into our spare bedroom about eight years ago, which suits me fine. He has his friends and his life, and I have mine. I could almost cope with that, but he’s so rude and dismissive to me.

He doesn’t want to come with me when I visit our sons, or walk our dog, or even eat dinner in the same room as me.

Most nights he goes off to eat it in the kitchen, listening to the radio. I’m only 59. Do you think I should leave him?

Coleen says

Yes I do. It’s a no-brainer. If you’ve tried to tell him all of this and you’re still not getting anything back, then yes.

Have you told him you don’t think he makes an effort and is unkind? If not, then I think you should tell him and I mean really tell him. And if he doesn’t take notice, or doesn’t care, end it.

I know how scary it is because I’m going through a divorce myself in my 50s. But life’s too short to just plod on unhappily.

Many women make the break from a stale marriage and end up happier than ever. And I mean no disrespect to my ex, because he’s happier too. People are scared of being alone but, as you know, there’s nothing lonelier than being in a dead relationship.