Think i might be bisexual or a lesbian

Dear Coleen

I’m a 21-year-old woman and I’m struggling to determine my sexuality. I’ve never been in a proper relationship with anyone – the most I’ve had is an experimental fling with a guy, and it lasted just a couple of months.

I’ve only recently started to realise that I find myself more attracted to women than men and I’m so confused by it.

Does this make me bisexual? Bi-curious? Or lesbian?

To complicate things, my family can be a bit homophobic, which makes me even more determined to be straight.

What do these feelings mean?

Coleen says

You shouldn’t be determined to be straight – you can’t be anything other than what you are. And what would be the point of it – just to please everyone else? Where does your happiness come into it?

Stop trying to put a label on your sexuality and trying to fit yourself into a box. You’re only 21 and it’s an experimental stage where you’re finding out who you are and what you like. It’s OK to explore and whatever you decide is right for you.

I realise it’s easier said than done if you’re worried about how your family will react, but you can’t pretend to be someone you’re not because at some point you’ll break.

You don’t owe them an explanation? And you don’t have to discuss anything with them until you feel ready.