Fed up he won’t leave his wife

Dear Coleen

I’m married and have been seeing another married man for the past four years.

He says he loves me and is going to leave his wife, but he keeps going on holiday with her and still seems to be living a good life, whereas I’m willing to leave my husband, who is a very good husband and father, for this man who I have known for 30 years.

I see him twice a week on my days off and although his wife found out, we both denied it, so we’ve been able to carry on.

They are a very close family and are always together.

What do you think?

Coleen says

Come on! You’re on a road to nowhere. After four years, he’s still saying he’ll leave while enjoying the best of both worlds. He doesn’t need to leave. Is that what it’s really about for him – the excitement of an affair?

He might have no intention of it being anything else.

And ask yourself what it would really be like if the two of you were together officially and the relationship was out in the open. Would the day to day of a committed relationship work?

Turn your focus to what you’ve got and ask yourself what’s missing and if you can make the marriage work.

I was interested in the letter from the woman whose fiancé constantly eyed up other women on holiday (Dear Coleen, Sept 13).

Yes, we all glance at attractive people, but blatantly ogling other women day and night is not acceptable in a committed relationship.

If your reader goes ahead with the marriage, her self-worth will be in tatters and she’ll never be able to trust her husband. Janine, via email