I HATE HAVING SEX WITH THE LIGHT LEFT ON

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my husband for 15 years and sex has always been pretty good. However, I’m now in my 40s and I’ve had two kids, so I’m self-conscious about my body.

I don’t like making love with the lights on or in daylight, and it’s got to the point that every time my husband makes a move, I quickly turn the light off, which I know he doesn’t like.

It’s embarrassing and I don’t really know how to talk to him about it. I used to be very confident in bed, but I’m not any more.

Any ideas?

Coleen says

You have to tell him how you’re feeling. I understand that the worry is if you put it out there then it could become a big issue.

Equally, if he’s reassuring (which I’m sure he will be), then that should help build your confidence.

If you keep making excuses then it might come across like you’ve gone off sex or gone off him. Communication is key.

Also, think about it logically – not only does he want to have sex with you, he wants to have sex with the lights on, so there’s nothing offending him. He loves you – body and soul. It doesn’t boil down to whether you have a bit of cellulite or stretch marks.

Of course our bodies change with childbirth and ageing – I’m sure your hubby’s body has changed, too. But there are lots of things you can do to feel sexier and build your confidence.

Take up exercise and get those feelgood endorphins flowing, think about some mood lighting, buy yourself something to wear that makes you feel sexy.

Feeling as if you’re doing things to take control will make you feel a whole lot better.