OUR PARENTING STYLES DIFFER

Dear Coleen

I’ve been arguing with my girlfriend a lot over our two kids, who are five and seven.

What annoys me the most is that she lets them sit on the ipad for hours in the afternoons so she can work. I don’t agree with it, but she says it’s the only way to keep them happy and quiet.

She then has a go at me because I work in an office and don’t have to worry about it.

We are fighting a lot over our different styles of parenting – she lets them get away with too much, whereas I think they need strict boundaries. She never backs me up, which is undermining, and I feel like a spare part as they’re as thick as thieves.

Have you got any advice? I’m worried it will end our relationship at this rate.

Coleen says

Different parenting styles can be a major flashpoint for some couples. I understand her frustration – you’re out all day while she’s trying to juggle working from home while caring for the kids. And, believe me, your kids won’t be sitting quietly while your girlfriend taps away, they’ll be interrupting her for drinks, snacks and to sort out disputes. It’ll be stressful.

I agree it’s not an ideal situation, so instead of arguing about it, have a discussion about alternatives. Are there any afterschool clubs that don’t cost a lot? Could your wife adjust her working hours? Could you work from home one day? Talk about it and try to solve it together – be on each other’s side.

And have some rules for when it’s family time – laptops are closed and ipads are off. It’s also important you present a united front to the kids when it comes to discipline. You might not always agree with each other, but save that for when you’re alone. Kids will spot a chink in the armour and use it!

Meet each other halfway – you’ve got to be a unit.