I WANT TO GET MARRIED BUT HE HAS ISSUES

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my boyfriend since we were 21 and we’re both 24 now. We have a one-year-old daughter.

We’ve always talked about marriage in the future, but he’s reluctant after watching his parents’ marriage break down due to cheating on both sides. I don’t think it was pleasant for him growing up.

I know he loves me and our daughter, and is 100% committed to us, but he can’t seem to shake off his past. Marriage is important to me, especially now we have a child.

Any ideas on what I can do?

Coleen says

I don’t think it’s a bad thing to consider marriage carefully – many people these days jump into it without really thinking about it at all. Of course his past is going to influence how he feels about his own relationships, and that’s why it’s important to talk it through.

He might also benefit from counselling to work through all those feelings he’s had from childhood. He may have never had the opportunity to really deal with what happened and how it has affected him.

It doesn’t sound as if he’s shut the door on marriage, but perhaps he doesn’t feel ready. I think you both have to feel it’s the right time.

You have a young baby which takes a lot of energy, so why not focus on that for now and enjoy being parents? Having a child together is a much bigger commitment than marriage, but if you’re feeling insecure about the relationship, then tell him that.

Maybe you just need some reassurance and need to know that it’s still something he wants to do at some point in the future.