I was broke in every way and thought of suicide ..I don’t want others to feel that
Eddie opens up about anguish
SAYS FAMILY SUPPORTED HIM DURING HIS DARKEST HOUR
mum died, a legacy gave him a little hope.
Eddie said: “She had left me some money, which to be honest was what was keeping me going.
“It would give me some time, take the pressure off, take some time out to find out what to do next with my life.
“But because I was bankrupt Revenue seized that money in my solicitor’s account and I never saw a penny of it.
“When I found out that day in Navan all the money was gone, I had a severe anxiety attack in Navan Shopping Centre and just started to think about ways to end it all – thoughts which were regular at that stage anyway.
“I felt so low, so useless. I felt like a complete failure as a father, as a partner, as a son and as a man.
“I can understand why people take their own lives. I tried everything to block out the pain I was feeling. But it was my kids and my partner Pia that kept me going with love and encouragement
“Many, many days I spent in that house with my kids and no money and not being able to drive them anywhere but when I look back, I realise they didn’t care about that.”
Thankfully, Eddie has turned a corner after counselling and has secured a new job but he wants people to know that although you make mistakes in life they are not enough to make you take extreme measures.
He said: “I look back now and I think, ‘Imagine if I had gone through with it’. The void I would have left in my kids’ lives, the pain and confusion in their heads.
“I’m not trying to play the victim here. I was often quite reckless with the way I lived my life and the decisions I made.
“This is not about me slaughtering myself for my actions or you judging me. It’s about no matter how dark your world seems to be, when you feel like you are more of a hindrance than of benefit to people, when you no longer can sit alone with yourself and your thoughts, when you are putting on a brave face when inside all you really want is to quietly disappear – it’s about realising you are needed and you are loved regardless of what kind of stupid stuff you did.
“I know there are people out there with much worse stories than mine and I would encourage those people to share them. It’s not right so many people – especially young men – are making the supreme sacrifice and dying by suicide.
“I would ask anyone who is in despair to reach out to someone, anyone. Circumstances will change. Please look out for each other.”
I tried everything to block out pain but it was my kids and partner that helped me EDDIE WEST