Dreading xmas with my mum

Dear Coleen

My husband and my mother actively hate each other, which is a huge problem as she’s coming to stay with us for a couple of nights over Christmas.

My dad died at the start of this year, so it’s the first Christmas she will have been on her own for 40 years.

My husband is dreading it and, although he feels sorry that my dad has gone, it hasn’t really made him warm to my mum any more.

As for her, she’s very judgmental and is always criticising him, sometimes very obviously and sometimes more subtly with snide comments, and I understand why it upsets him.

How are we going to get through this Christmas? Have you any advice?

Coleen says

This time of year is about peace, love and goodwill to all, but it also forces people together who don’t like each other, and good intentions can go up in flames like brandy on a Christmas pud!

I think the best way to try to pre-empt anything is to speak to your mum and husband individually and appeal to their better judgment. Be really honest with your mum and explain that, while you know she doesn’t like your hubby, if she’s going to be in your house for a couple of days, then she has to be mindful about what she says and keep things amicable. And say the same to him.

It’s just day a couple of days and he should be able to bite his tongue and look forward to spending the rest of the holiday with you. Whether either of them has the ability to do it is another matter, but I hope they will, even if it’s just so you’re not stressed and unhappy.

Also, you don’t have to sit together for the entire time – being cooped up at home can feel like a pressure cooker. Escape for a drink with your hubby or all go out together for a walk or lunch for a change.