THERAPY HAS RESULTED IN HIM ENDING IT

Dear Coleen

I’ve been in relationship therapy with my husband for a few months now and thought we were getting somewhere. Even though he had an affair, which lasted nearly two years, I wanted to save our marriage.

I was surprised when he agreed to couples’ therapy, because he’s not the type to share his feelings.

The other day, though, he dropped the bombshell that therapy had helped him to see things more clearly and to decide what he wants – and what he wants isn’t me.

I’m heartbroken and also really angry because I’ve tried so hard to forgive him and move on from his affair, and this is the result.

We have two teenage children who are aware we’re having problems, but seem to be coping with it well.

Have you any advice?

Coleen says

Well, this is one of the outcomes of therapy. I think the way to look at it is, if you hadn’t had it, you could be living a lie for 10 years and he might have had more affairs and kept breaking your heart, and you’d be very unhappy.

What you did was right – you fought for your marriage, you gave it your all and so did he, so at least you can move on knowing you tried and it didn’t work.

It’s horribly painful, but you can’t force someone to love you if they don’t – and what’s the point in him staying if he doesn’t want to?

If I were you, I’d focus on the children and helping them through it, and maybe continue therapy on your own.

It can still help you to move forward and deal with your anger.