HE DEMANDS STUFF BUT IS NEVER HAPPY

Dear Coleen

I got divorced 10 years ago and when I met my current husband he nagged me to get married, even though I was wary as I hadn’t long come out of a marriage. I gave in.

I had my own place but, again I gave in, sold my house and moved in with him. He then wanted us to have a baby, so I had my coil removed but couldn’t get pregnant and assumed I was perimenopausal. However, I’m now 32 weeks pregnant and he hasn’t looked at me or touched me once since.

When I ask him why, he gets mad at me. It’s as if he wants his own way, but once he gets it he doesn’t want it any more. I’m so low. Have you any advice?

Coleen says

He also sounds a bit controlling and I wonder why that is and also why you’re so willing to let him dictate everything? Perhaps you both have insecurities that go back to previous relationships or even your family backgrounds.

You need to start thinking about what you want. You need to dig deep and find your voice, and that’s even more important now you have a baby on the way.

If you want to work on your marriage then I think relationship psychotherapy would be a good way forward, so he can explore why he behaves the way he does and you can explore how you feel.

He’s angry about something, but he’s not saying what. I think his anger is a defence mechanism.

In the meantime, make your’s and the baby’s wellbeing a priority. It’s really important to avoid conflict, and you need to be clear with him about that. Try to enjoy being pregnant and looking forward to your baby’s arrival.

Also, if your marriage ends, don’t look on it as if you’ve failed, you haven’t. The marriage will have failed for many reasons.

If you do go your separate ways, you can both still be good parents. Let me know how you get on.