FIANCE DATED ANOTHER WOMAN

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my fiance for three years and moved into his house, and we’re planning a wedding soon. However, my happiness was shattered and my trust broken when I found out he’d been flirting on the phone with another woman while our relationship was long distance. I found the messages six months after moving into his place.

He’s also been clubbing and eating out with this woman, even though we were engaged at the time and planning our future.

He obviously forgot to delete the messages. I confronted him and of course he cried and begged me to forgive him, but I don’t know if I can. It makes me sick every time I think about it, and I feel so betrayed.

Coleen says

The trust isn’t going to be rebuilt overnight. You’ll need to do lots of talking to see if it’s possible and you are willing to try to move on from it.

And, obviously, he’ll need to do more than crying and begging. He needs to be honest about why he struck up this relationship with another woman along with as much detail about what went on as you’re able to stomach.

Maybe it happened as a result of the distance between you. Longdistance relationships require boundaries and a lot of nurturing, as they’re tough to maintain.

He knows he’s messed up royally, but if he truly means he’s sorry and you still love him then it’s worth fighting for to see if you can get past what happened, but it’s going to take work.

And don’t push ahead with any wedding plans until you feel you’ve resolved things – you can’t walk down the aisle with doubts. Organising some couple’s therapy might also be a good idea to find out if you can move on together or not.