Dumped and still not over it

Dear Coleen

This time last year, my boyfriend of six years dumped me out of the blue.

We hadn’t been getting on that well for a few months – he’d become distant and we started arguing over stupid things. But when he told me he wanted out, it was still a complete shock.

He said he didn’t want to start a new year feeling bad about our relationship and felt it was time for both of us to cut our losses.

I was devastated and confused. How can you just dump someone you’ve been with for six years without any proper explanation?

I’m still feeling very down – I haven’t met anyone, but he’s moved on with another woman and I’ve just found out they’re already engaged. It makes me wonder if they’d been seeing each other while we were still together and that’s why he left.

How can I get myself out of this hole? I’ll be 30 in the new year, which is also playing on my mind.

Coleen says

I think it’s really hard when we don’t get a satisfactory explanation for something – it can start to occupy our thoughts to the extent that we get fixated and unable to move on.

I think you’ve spent enough time wondering about him and you’re in danger of preventing yourself from moving on and being happy again.

Think about what you want now. Starting a new year and turning 30 seems like the perfect opportunity to make some positive changes.

The mistake people make at new year is that they adopt an all-or-nothing approach and give themselves too much to aim for.

Start with small goals – maybe getting out socially at least once a week or taking up something new that puts you in touch with different people. The best way to get over what happened is to make a success of your own life.