Hubby wants sex but i Feel so harassed

Dear Coleen

I’ll be 69 next year and my husband is 79. The problem is sexual activity – while I’m content with hugs and kisses, he wants more. Why can’t he just be happy to have his lovely lady by his side?

I take care to look good, I’ve not let myself go and I try to stay healthy and fit. I feel that I’ve matured and that sex isn’t the be all and end all. The world won’t end because you don’t do it any more.

I am at the end of my tether. I’m thinking of going into the spare room for peace and quiet!

I do care deeply for him and don’t want to do change rooms, but I also want to feel loved and cherished instead of used and abused.

Coleen says

This is a really common issue as couples get older and sex drives are no longer compatible.

I’ve heard both sides of this dilemma many times since writing this column and sometimes it’s the woman who wants sex and the man who doesn’t.

As awkward as it is, you have to talk to your husband and explain how this is making you feel. Be very clear about what you do and don’t want. And then listen to him and talk about if and how you can move forward.

Decamping to the spare room is avoiding the issue. Yes, it sends out a message you’re not interested in sex, but he could also read all sorts of other things into it, such as you’re not interested in him any more, you don’t love him, you don’t like him and so on. So, if you value your relationship, open up a discussion and see where it takes you.