TRUST ISSUES ARE HARMING RELATIONSHIP

Dear Coleen

I have been dating my boyfriend for a month, although we’d known each other as kids, crossing paths again 13 years later.

When we got together we agreed to be honest and tell each other everything. However, recently we got into an argument because I confronted him over something stupid, which he denied, but later admitted was true.

I have trust issues because of what I’ve experienced in a previous relationship, so I’m very disappointed and I’m having doubts about him. I feel as if the trust has been broken now.

What should I do? We’re not speaking, even though I sent a message apologising for the way I reacted, but he hasn’t responded.

Coleen says

It sounds as if you think you may have overreacted because of what you’ve been through in the past.

It’s important to learn from those experiences and grow, and not to let them destroy the potential for great relationships in the future. He’s not your ex and it’s unfair to expect he’s going to behave in the same way.

You’ve only been dating for a month – it’s very early days – and you’ve got off to a rocky start. If you really like this guy and think you could have a future together, then maybe put what happened into context for him.

Explain why you reacted the way you did and why his lying – even over something stupid – set alarm bells ringing. But if you do decide to make another go of it, don’t keep comparing him to your ex. If you’re suspicious of his every move, he’s going to want to escape.