CHANGED HIS MIND ABOUT HAVING KIDS

Dear Coleen

When I met my boyfriend he had a daughter from a previous relationship, who is now six.

He always told me he’d like another child and we’ve been going out for two years and are very happy. We bought a flat last year, got engaged soon after and we’re always planning for our future.

He’s good looking, kind, loyal and funny and I know he’s my soul mate.

But in the last few months he dropped a bombshell that he doesn’t think he does want any more children. He says he loves our life the way it is, and that he doesn’t feel he can do the baby thing again.

I’m absolutely devastated and at 34, I feel like he’s dropped this on me at an age where I don’t have a lot of time to think about it. I feel he’s forcing me to choose between him and the chance to have children.

Coleen says

Yes, it’s unfair he’s dropped this on you, but people do change their minds and he’s being honest with you. You can’t force somebody to want to have more children, or any children for that matter.

He has led you a bit of a merry dance though, by telling you early on that he wants children and now saying he doesn’t. But the fact is he doesn’t want kids so you have to make a decision.

Please don’t ‘accidentally’ get pregnant or assume he’ll change his mind, but rather accept it’s up to him and decide what you want to do. If you really feel like this is something you’ll end up resenting him for then it’s time to walk away.

Similarly, if you decide you will stay with him then you have to find a way to not let your resentment about his decision affect things.