I can’t cope with hubby’s Insecurities

Dear Coleen

My husband and I have been married for 15 years and we have two children. He was married before and his wife left him for his friend, which broke him and left him unable to trust anyone for a long time.

We struck up a friendship and after a year we got together. He was always quite insecure and would often keep tabs on me. But then we got married and had children and I was home a lot, and he seemed OK.

When our youngest started school, I got a full-time job at a local firm, but his insecurity and jealousy has got worse. He’s started accusing me of cheating on him with men at work, and if I mention anybody he starts asking me about them.

I’ve recently found out he’s been checking my phone and I caught him on my laptop, looking at my Facebook messages. I’m not cheating and I never have cheated, but I don’t know how to make him understand he has no reason to worry.

Coleen says

To be honest, it’s not your job to reassure him he has no reason to worry. It is wearing to constantly reassure somebody and I think his behaviour is getting out of hand.

It sounds like he needs some counselling to help him deal with his jealousy – you can tell him 100 times that you’re not cheating and it just won’t get through to him. It doesn’t matter how much you tell him, or how loyal you are, it will never be enough for him. So you need to be strong and stand up to him. You can’t pander to his paranoia any more.

His ex-wife may have cheated, but that’s not your fault. But if he’s not careful, he’ll push you away or into the arms of another man. So tell him to get help, otherwise your marriage will be in serious trouble.