MY BROTHER-INLAW MESSED UP FRIEND’S REFURB

Dear Coleen

Recently, I recommended my brother-in-law, who’s a builder, to a friend who was looking to get some renovations done on her house.

I thought everything had gone fine and didn’t give it a second thought until a friend of ours told me the job had gone really badly and it cost my friend a lot of money to put right.

Neither my brother-in-law nor my friend has mentioned it, but since I’ve thought about it, I’ve realised my friend hasn’t been in touch for a while and I’m worried she’s angry and avoiding me.

Any tips on what I should do? I really don’t want to fall out with my friend but I feel terrible and also responsible for what’s happened.

Coleen says

Just call her because she might not be angry with you, she might actually be embarrassed to say your brother-in-law was useless!

And if she is angry, all you can say is “I’m sorry, I feel terrible for you and genuinely thought he’d do a good job”.

I think it needs one of you to make that first move. Just speak to each other.

It’s not your fault the job went wrong – that’s down to your brother-in-law. You recommended him in good faith, and sometimes in life these things happen.

I’m sure your friend doesn’t blame you, but might be keeping her distance because she doesn’t know how to deal with it. But if you’re good friends, you should be able to talk about it and move on.