Is It the end of the road for us?

Dear Coleen

I’m 25 and I’ve been with my boyfriend for four years. He’s a nice lad and we have lots of friends in common.

But we don’t go out much, we rarely have sex (only when I initiate it) and he’s just a bit boring. He seems happy for us to just hang out at his flat and watch TV or go on our phones.

There’s no spark or attraction, but whenever I tell him this, or tell him I think we should break up, he becomes incredibly sad and starts saying how upset he’d be if he lost me. He’s a sweet man and I don’t want to hurt him.

But I just know in my heart we’re not right for each other.

Coleen says

Oh dear. I think right at the end of your letter, you’ve come to the conclusion about what you need to do. You need to end it with him, don’t you? Look, you’re only 25. You should be in the fun stage of love and relationships. There’s no easy way to break somebody’s heart, as the song goes. It’s painful. But it’s more painful to keep going in a relationship that clearly has come to the end of the road.

Just sit him down and say, “Look, you’re a lovely guy and in time I hope we can be mates.

But I don’t want to be in this relationship any more.”

He deserves to be with somebody who loves him the way he should be loved. He doesn’t deserve to be with someone staying with him out of pity. If you don’t break up with him soon, time will just go by, you’ll buy a flat, get engaged, kids come along, and before you know it you’re in a situation that’s much harder to get out of.

You’re young and have to think of your own happiness.