EVIL HAWE A CROSS DRESSING PORN ADDICT
»»Murder-suicide dad’s hidden shame revealed »»Mystery remains on reasons to slay family Relatives want truth on brute’s chilling letter
Murder-suicide dad Alan Hawe was a cross-dressing porn addict – but he had another shameful secret that may have driven him to kill.
The teacher, 40, slaughtered his wife Clodagh and their three children Liam, Niall and Ryan in August 2016 before hanging himself in their Co Cavan home.
In a letter, he wrote “there was always something wrong with me” and said he wanted his relatives to know “the rest”.
Clodagh’s family last night called for a full inquiry and her sister added: “He said the truth was going to come out sometime. We don’t know what that truth is.”
THE family of Clodagh Hawe say they are haunted by still not knowing why monster husband Alan killed her and their three sons.
In a lengthy murder-suicide letter, the killer twice urged family members to contact his counsellor to get the additional information that he could not write about.
But today Mary Coll and Jacqueline Connolly, Clodagh’s mother and sister, still do not have the answers to their question: “Why did Hawe kill Clodagh, Liam, Niall and Ryan?”
Referring to his shame, he wrote: “I certainly wasn’t abusing anyone. I just don’t know what I was.
“I wish I’d never darkened [Clodagh’s] life but there was always something wrong with me.”
Fearing his life was unravelling with dark secrets about to be exposed, the 40-year-old murdered Clodagh, 39, and her children, Liam, 13, Niall, 11, and six-year-old Ryan in August 2016 before hanging himself in their Co Cavan home.
It has been established Hawe had been:
■ Dressing up in his wife’s underwear and clothes,
■ Accessing online porn on a school computer and on his phone, and
■ Browsing Russian dating sites.
But it is believed Hawe had another even darker secret which has never been revealed to those mourning his murder victims.
Despite one of his last wishes was that “family” should get “the rest” of the information from his counsellor, the details have still not been released.
Clodagh’s family believe the truth behind the multiple murders may lie in those details.
Jacqueline said: “Hawe said he was leading them to a life of ruin and Clodagh would have to clean up his mess. We still don’t know what that mess is.
“He said the truth was going to come out sometime, we don’t know what that truth is.
“We never found out why and we were advised that it probably would never happen at the inquest.
“But he said in his own words he was caught red-handed and we know that he was looking at pornography on the school laptop and he never brought the school laptop home.
“We’ve had sight of the counselling notes and he had said he was masturbating somewhere he shouldn’t have been, possibly school.
“So we have pieces of information but we don’t know who caught him. We don’t know why he was ringing the Irish National Teachers Organisation, whether it was for advice for a grievance.
“We don’t know where it happened, when it happened.
“We do know, in the June, he cancelled all his counselling sessions and this all happened the day before he was to return to school so it was avoidance of the consequences he was about to face.”
Mary added: “He said it was easier for them to die than to have to live with the truth of what he was doing. .
“We do know now, that we didn’t at the time, that he was dressing in Clodagh’s underwear.
“She would never ever in her wildest dreams have thought of that, none of us would.
“We only found that out after the inquest. He said, ‘When I go back to school it will all blow up’.
“If he was masturbating in the school well at the very least he was guilty of professional misconduct.
“We miss them so much. They should still be alive, living their lives.
“He had the illusion that they couldn’t manage their lives without him. That’s how important he thought he was.
“Clodagh was a professional woman, she was assertive, she had three lovely healthy children. It would’ve been hard but they would’ve survived and we would’ve helped.
“Life wouldn’t have been the same again certainly but children grow up and they live their own lives.”
Jacqueline said: “We don’t know why, after a full investigation we’re left with these questions.
“We’ve requested the files from the gardai and they’ve declined.
“But we feel an injustice has been done to Clodagh and the boys. She was sitting on the couch looking up holidays on her laptop and the boys were innocently asleep. They shouldn’t have died like that.
“We need the truth. We need to know why they died, out of respect for them but to be able to have some peace of mind. We need answers.”
Until August 2016, Hawe was considered by most, to be a respectable, clean living, deeply religious husband and father with a steady career as the deputy head teacher at