My boyfriend loves his phone more than me
Dear Coleen
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for three years and we’ve been living together for a year. We’re both in our mid-thirties and we get on really well most of the time. There’s just one thing coming between us and it’s his phone.
He’s on it all the time – either Whats-apping his mates, looking at random stuff on Youtube or browsing on social media. We can’t sit and watch a TV show together, let alone a film, because he’s just staring at his phone the whole time. He stares at it in bed right up until the moment he goes to sleep and we have sex less as a result.
I’ve tried talking to him about it but he just shrugs and says that I go on my phone too. That is true, but I don’t go on it nearly as much.
It’s really starting to get me down because our lives have become so boring, plus I’m fed up of being ignored all the time.
He thinks I’m overreacting but I’m seriously thinking of ending things over this phone issue.
What do you think I should do?
Coleen says
I think our addiction to our phones is becoming a real issue within family relationships and is a huge cause of break-ups. I see it everywhere – couples ignoring each other to stare at their phones, mums ignoring their kids playing in the park while they’re on their phones, people out for dinner or lunch together, staring at their phones. I was at a train station the other day and every single person on the platform was staring down at their phone and no one was talking to anyone else.
I was watching TV the other night and playing a game on my phone at the same time, and another night me and the kids sat down to supposedly watch a film together and at one point all four of us were looking at our phones at the same time.
So while I think your boyfriend’s behaviour is pretty normal these days I also think it needs to change.
Tell him that you’re getting to the point where you’re thinking of ending the relationship because you feel neglected by his phone habits and suggest some new rules, like no phones at mealtimes or in bed. And if you sit down to watch a film or TV show together then your phones go in the kitchen. Start small and build up some better phone habits and see how you feel from there.
If he’s not willing to try, then it’s not a good sign for your relationship.