HOW DO I TELL HER I’VE LIED ABOUT AGE?

Dear Coleen

I’m a 69-year-old man and I’m currently involved in a sexual relationship with a 30-year-old woman who believes (because I lied to her) that I’m 40 and she wants to move in with me.

Big problem – if she does move in, she will no doubt find out about my actual age and probably dump me. When she discovers I’ve been lying, it’ll definitely destroy any trust we’ve built up in our relationship.

So what should I do? Do I keep up the pretence or come clean? I’d appreciate your advice.

Coleen says

First of all, I’d like to know your secret to looking 30 years younger! Of course I think you should come clean – think of the stress involved in keeping up this lie. You’re right, she’s bound to find out at some point and I think the truth will be a lot better coming from you, sooner rather than later.

I don’t know how she’ll react – she might well dump you – but you can’t carry on living this lie, constantly waiting for the axe to fall when she discovers your terrible secret.

I think you should just use the idea of moving in together to raise it – tell her there’s something she ought to know and she might be shocked and she might want to dump you, but that you need to tell her the truth about your age.

It might help if you offer an explanation as to why you lied. I imagine it was because you really liked her and thought if you told her you were nearly 70, she wouldn’t consider a relationship.