His bad manners are a turn-off

Dear Coleen

My husband has really bad manners and he thinks I’m a snob for pulling him up about it.

He’s always belching and breaking wind or talking mid-mouthful when we’re out for dinner. If he knows it annoys me, why won’t he make an effort to change his ways?

We have two daughters aged eight and 10 who think it’s hilarious and now copy him – what kind of example is that?

I feel I’m the only one with any manners and social skills. Do people get divorced over this kind of thing? It makes me mad and I’m finding him unattractive.

Coleen says

You’d be surprised what people get divorced over! I read some research once on reasons for divorce and some of them seemed quite ridiculous – never putting the toothpaste cap back on or leaving the cereal box open. But, actually, it’s the trivial things, once you’ve started to lose respect for someone, which can push you over the edge.

As far as manners go, having good manners does not make you a snob, it’s just a nice quality to have. Maybe your husband grew up in a house where good manners weren’t important, so it’s learned behaviour.

I know where you’re coming from – I had an ex-boyfriend who would eat and talk with his mouth open and I found it really embarrassing. In fact, one of my friends refused to go out for dinner with us because of it.

I think what you should say to him is, “I’m not sure if I can ever change your behaviour but, just so you know, I don’t find it attractive. However, I want our daughters to have good manners, so please don’t behave like that in front of them”.

And you’ve got to be firm with your kids. Yes, they’re at an age where stuff like that is funny, but they must learn that in company it’s crass, and copying him could hold them back.