I feel guilty keeping her sad secrets

Dear Coleen

I’m a 16-year-old girl and have a cousin the same age. We’re close, as we grew up just a few streets away from each other. Recently, she confided in me about issues with food and also self-harming and has asked me to go to her doctor with her for support.

She’s had a rough few months – a boy at school dumped her online, so everyone saw, and she’s also stressed about schoolwork, even though she’s a high achiever.

I’m glad she’s opened up to me, but she also made me swear I wouldn’t mention it to my family or hers. I agreed, but I feel weird about it – I feel I should say something to help her.

I’m in a real dilemma. Can you help?

Coleen says

I think it’s great she’s reaching out for help – that’s a big step – and it shows the strength of your relationship that she’s trusted you with this information.

I understand you feeling uncomfortable knowing about her problems when her parents don’t.

However, what you don’t want to do is alienate her and make her stop confiding in you. So, I’d suggesting supporting her with the GP visit and, while you’re there, perhaps you can ask the doctor’s opinion about telling her family and how to do it.

If you open up a discussion, she can share her fears – maybe she doesn’t want to worry them or maybe she’s afraid they’ll be angry or disappointed.

If she confides in her parents after she’s seen her doctor, then they’ll be reassured she’s getting help. They can then discuss any treatment she’s been offered (counselling, for example) and how they can best support her at home.

Good luck.