JESS SAYING
Jessica Boulton’s whimsical wander through the showbiz week
Music-mad Monday
C’mon C’mon C’mon C’mon, Take That and (House) Party!
Yes, it’s time to rummage in the loft and dust off those old banners because Robbie Williams is back (albeit not for good) with the band for a one-off charity concert.
Gary Barlow and co announced the news on Monday, sending many a 40-something into a premature hot flush.
But how did they get one-time foes Robbie and Gary back in the same room? Well, they didn’t. Due to lockdown the guys will perform their greatest hits from their own homes (robbing us of all backstage drama).
And in true 2020 style, next Friday’s spectacle won’t be in a stadium but streamed on Compare the Meerkat’s new Youtube Channel. (Yup, the Simples Russian rat catchers are muscling in on the music biz.)*
That means all you have to do is load up the laptop and hey presto... It Only Takes a Minute to feel like Take That are at your very own shindig.
So Do What You Like – whip out the cider and alcopops or the fizzy drinks and caterpillar cake.
Just don’t let them near the jelly.
Two-years Tuesday
My favourite retired royals Meghan Markle and Just-call-me-harry marked their second wedding anniversary on Tuesday – holed up in entertainment mogul Tyler Perry’s €16.3million LA mansion.
Barely a mention of the big day was made on other royals’ social media accounts (perhaps they were too busy, taking up the slack).
Meanwhile, as pictures emerged of their new digs, sources told US publications the not-soroyal H&M just wanted to stay low key.
So what does that mean? Was Meghan watching back their big day while lounging in her wedding dress? Did Harry entice her into a quick game of naked billiards? Or perhaps they binge-watched Disney movies to pick out Meghan’s next big role?**
But here’s the big question. Doesn’t two years feel like a lifetime ago?
Back then the country congregated in their thousands to watch the big day on big screens.
Now, the very thought of that would be a no-no. Not just because of lockdown. But because, when the country really needs some Markle Sparkle, H&M are a no-show.
Wads of cash Wednesday
He was your average Joe, a gingerhaired one-time busker whose appeal was that he was, well, just
like us.
But, oh, how things have changed for Ed Sheeran.
For on Wednesday it was revealed the once rumoured-to-be homeless Ed, 29, paid for his entire €63million property empire... in cash.
Yup. Cold hard cash. Not a mortgage in sight.
Who would have thought flogging a Lego House could buy you 27 real ones?
At least he has room for his new hobby – beekeeping. We shouldn’t be surprised Ed’s buzzing about his honey. It’s not the first time he’s cooked up something (a bit too) sugary sweet.
Tuneful Thursday
Gasp! Downton’s Dan Stevens aka Matthew Crawley has a new project – Eurovision!
Surely things haven’t been that tough since he left Lady
Mary for Hollywood?
Well, no. Dan is singing in Eurovision but only in Will Ferrell’s new movie of the same name, based around two Icelandic hopefuls coming out on Netflix next month. He’s not the only British star either. On Thursday it was revealed that the super-sarcastic razor-tongued commentator is being played by – who else – Graham Norton.
It doesn’t quite make up for us having to miss the real thing, but at least there’ll be some justice for Iceland (I’m guessing) after being this year’s hot favourite.
But here’s the thing, will the movie see America wanting to join in?
I wonder who they would send. There’s a camera-ready pair in LA at a bit of a loose end...
But Donald Trump would probably fancy the glory all for himself. After all, there’s a certain Green Day classic which would be just perfect... American Idiot.
Flaw-some Friday
Started lots of arty projects in lockdown, but struggling to complete one?
Well, you’re not alone in finding it hard to wrap things up.
On Friday, Beatle legend Ringo Starr (also the voice of Thomas the Tank Engine) admitted he needs a little help It was a case of sun’s out, guns out for Eastenders’s Kush Kazemi this week.
And while we had the hottest day of the year, these scorching hot pix of actor Davood Ghadami really sent temperatures soaring.
Davood, who’s played Kush since 2014, cooled down in the heatwave by whipping out his hose (ooh-er) and erecting his garden waterslide (ahem).
But when he posted the video to Instagram, he forgot one thing – a health warning.
For surely it left his fans even more hot under the collar.
In other news, here’s Geri Halliwell enjoying the sunshine with her donkey.
Can’t imagine what made me think of it. from his friends to actually finish any of his songs. It would’ve been intriguing if he meant the Fat Controller or Percy the Small Engine.
But it was actually best pal, fellow Beatle George Harrison, who once helped him stay on track with one of his biggest solo (choo-choo) choons, Back Off Boogaloo. While songwriter, the late Harry Nilsson helped him cut down another, from 40 verses to 11.
Knowing when to shut up has always been my problem as well. So how refreshing to have a celeb be so honest about their strengths and flaws.
And don’t worry Ringo, you’ll always be a Star(r).
Except on your birth certificate. * Unconfirmed Tails of forthcoming remixes include: Don’t You Forget About Renewing Your Car Insurance – Simples Minds and What’s New Meerkat – Tomcat Jones. **In other Disney news: The Muppets are back. But who could possibly voice the glorious glamorous queen of divas Miss Piggy? Nope, I’m struggling to think of anyone too.