I WANT KIDS BUT I FEEL PARTNER’S LOST INTEREST

Dear Coleen

My partner and I have been together for two-and-a-half years and we moved in together a year ago. There’s a big age gap – I’m 30 and he’s about to turn 43.

When we started dating, he said he wanted the same things as I do – marriage and a family, but he refuses to do anything about this even though we’ve talked about it quite a lot. I want to have children and don’t want to be with someone who keeps dragging their heels.

I can’t help thinking he’s telling me what I want to hear, but has no intention of proposing or having kids with me.

To add to this, lockdown with him has been miserable – he’s always hidden away working and we haven’t had sex much, and it’s always me who has to initiate it.

I feel he’s lost interest, but he just tells me “it’s all in my head”.

Coleen says

I think you need to stop skirting around these issues and tell him what you want – and he needs to be honest with you about whether he does want the same things or if he’s had a change of heart.

I’ve had many letters from people who’ve been in a similar situation that’s rumbled on for years, and they’ve left it too late to have kids or one partner has discovered a fertility issue. I think the conversation about whether to start a family is a crucial one for all couples to have – it’s not something you can just park and come back to later.

It does sound as if he’s stalling on making any commitments, which has left you feeling in limbo. So be upfront. You’re one half of this relationship and you deserve honesty so you can move on.

I don’t know why he’s avoiding sex and locking himself away all the time, but it might be because he’s not being honest about how he really feels.