Our first reaction must be kindness
IT was the sweetest gesture, which backfired in an unexpectedly bitter way.
When actress Denise Welch was taking part in ITV’S Dancing On Ice she invited Kate and Gerry Mccann to bring their twins to the live show. It would be an exciting evening of showbiz glitter and fun, which most families would relish. A lovely treat.
But the Mccanns politely declined. They aren’t allowed to enjoy themselves, you see. Ever again.
Kate and Gerry taking their kids to Dancing On Ice would never be worth it, because if they’re ever seen smiling, they are trolled online “beyond comprehension”. Some people think they should never experience another moment of joy or happiness, because they blame them for losing Madeleine.
This staggering cruelty is something – alongside the gargantuan obvious – the Mccanns have to endure day after day.
This week, another mother shared her pain. Chris Flack, Caroline’s mum, spoke out after the former chief crown prosecutor in North London insisted the CPS was right to pursue the case against her TV presenter daughter.
Regardless of the rights and wrongs of that situation, it was the perfect moment to be reminded of the movement Caroline’s death started, and to have the message reinforced.
Kindness.
It should be our default position as we move about an increasingly troubled, pandemic-stricken, unjust world, which seems to need it more than ever.
Kate and Gerry Mccann have suffered – are suffering – unimaginably. If they can somehow find it within themselves to muster up a smile, they have to be allowed to.
No punishment anyone could ever impose on them could be worse than being without their daughter.
They were devastatingly, lifechangingly unlucky, and they are endlessly condemned for it. The twisted logic goes that it’s their fault, so they don’t deserve empathy, let alone sympathy. None of this says anything about the Mccanns. It says everything about the people who think it.
Kindness isn’t always easy, and can be complicated.
For example, I want to slate the trolls who lay into the Mccanns, but then how am I any different from them?
Back in 2017, American comedian Sarah Silverman was sent an abusive tweet by a stranger. Instead of firing back – which she could have with ease, as you’ll know if you’ve seen her stuff – she responded with compassion.
“I believe in you,” she wrote, “I read your timeline and I see what you are doing and your rage is thinly veiled pain. But you know that. I know this feeling. See what happens when you choose love. I see it in you.”
They ended up having a lengthy exchange where the troll, who is less intimidating when you know that his name is Jeremy, admitted being in terrible emotional and physical pain. Sarah directed him to local support groups, and paid for his medical treatment. Jeremy apologised, and vowed to conduct himself differently.
The last few months have shone a spotlight on the uncomfortable truth most of us usually try to ignore: anything can happen.
The world is full of injustice, unfairness, and struggles.
Situations that seem like the plot of a dystopian movie can quickly become reality.
Lives can change beyond all recognition, without warning, in a split second.
No one knows what the future holds. Which makes kindness even more important.
We must all dish it out, because one day, we might need to take it.
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Situations that seem like a dystopian movie can fast become reality