HOW DO I MAKE THINGS RIGHT WITH MY DAD?

Dear Coleen

I’m 27 and recently engaged to my boyfriend, which is exciting. Looking forward to marriage has made me think a lot about my dad, who I cut out of my life nearly 10 years ago after he left my mum and started dating a younger woman.

I was just a teenager at the time and felt very loyal to my mum, as she’d been so hurt over the end of the marriage. I ended up saying some really nasty things to him and to his girlfriend and we haven’t spoken since – the years have just rolled on and, although he tried to get in touch a few times, I never responded.

He’s now married to this woman and they have two children who I’ve never met. I want to make things right, but it’s been so long and I don’t even know if he wants to hear from me. I’d like him to consider walking me down the aisle, but I guess that might be too much to hope for.

Coleen says

I think you have to start slowly and rebuild your relationship before going in with a request to walk you down the aisle.

Reach out to him and tell him that you’re sorry and you want to repair things. From what you’ve said, the chances are he’ll welcome you with open arms because he’s tried in the past to contact you.

Be honest about how you felt at the time and about how you feel now – if it feels weird to call him after so long, write him an email. It’s often easier to get across what you want to say in a letter. And offer an apology to his wife, too.

I’m sure your dad will understand that you were young at the time and felt protective of your mum. If this pandemic has taught us anything in terms of relationships, it’s to be kinder more understanding, and more willing to meet people halfway.

Good luck.