MY DAUGHTER HATES HER DAD AFTER AFFAIR

Dear Coleen

My family is completely split because of an affair my husband had a couple of years ago. After much soul-searching I took him back and he ended the relationship with the other woman. They had a baby together, though, which complicates things, as he still sees the child, with my support.

While we’ve tried to be calm and sensible about what happened, even though I was devastated, our daughter, who’s now 15, took it very badly, hates her dad and still doesn’t really talk to him. We also have a younger son, who’s managed it much better.

Lockdown was awful, though, because the atmosphere in the house was terrible.

Any advice?

Coleen says

You decided to move past the affair and forgive him, but you can’t make your kids feel the same way. Naturally, your daughter is going to feel traumatised and also protective of you, and she probably doesn’t trust her dad.

I think it’s really up to your husband to make a big effort with your daughter – he should be trying hard to rebuild their relationship and the trust.

Family therapy would be a good idea – but everyone would have to be willing to get involved. To find a therapist, visit the British Association for Counselling & Psychotherapy (bacp.co.uk).

I wonder if you’ve thought about how you’re going to manage this going forward and if it would be a good idea for your children to meet their sibling and start to build a relationship for the future.