UPSET HE’S LEAVING EVERYTHING TO MUM

Dear Coleen

I’ve been with my partner for 16 years and we have a teenage son together. We generally have a good relationship, but there’s one thing that upsets me.

Although we’ve been together so long, it’s only my partner’s mum who will benefit from his life insurance and even get his house should anything happen to him.

We’ve had lots of discussions about it and he says he’ll change it, but always comes up with excuses why he can’t.

I’m not even bothered about the money, because I know his mum would make sure our son is OK if anything happened to him.

But I feel there’s a trust issue and also that he doesn’t care what happens to me if he were to die. Sometimes I think he doesn’t even see me as family. He also doesn’t want to marry me, which I suspect is financially motivated in case we divorced, although he’s never said it in so many words.

Am I being unreasonable?

Coleen says

I’m shocked he’s made no provision for his son – and I don’t think he’s being honest about his reasons for not including you either. In all likelihood, his mother will die first, so has he made provision for you and your son if that’s the case?

I think this is a big deal and something you need to settle or it’ll eat away at you and you’ll resent him more and more.

And I think relationship therapy might be a good way to get this out in the open. Suggest it to him – he needs to know you won’t be continually fobbed off.

It’s almost as if he’s not sure about the relationship lasting, which is why everything is in his mother’s name, so there are a lot of big questions to answer.

Explain to him how this makes you feel – unloved, not valued, not trusted and, I imagine, questioning your relationship.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to want to resolve big issues that could affect yours and your son’s future.