He’s my dream guy online but real dates are a disaster

Dear Coleen

I’ve had a few dates with a man who came across as really great online.

He seemed to be the complete package, so I was expecting a lot when we finally met.

However, in person he’s really awkward – it’s almost like he’s never dated anyone before and doesn’t know how to behave.

The first time we met, he knocked over a full pint glass, which smashed on the ground, made really cringey jokes and, when the bill came, he just sat there and stared at it, shifting around on his seat. So I ended up offering to pay for the whole thing.

I decided to give him another shot, as he’s good-looking and sweet, but the second date was just as much of a disaster as the first one.

This time, we got some picnic food and went for a walk, and he nearly got run down by a car because he wasn’t concentrating. Also, it was like pulling teeth, trying to make conversation, so it felt really stilted.

He wants to meet again, but do I persevere or call it quits?

I’ve been single for a long time!

Coleen says

Like pulling teeth trying to make conversation

Hmm, it does sound a bit like a Mr Bean movie!

First of all, don’t persevere just because you’ve been single for a long time or out of loneliness. These aren’t the right reasons to stay with someone.

On the first date, he might just have been nervous – let’s face it, a lot of us have forgotten how to behave in social situations after the past 18 months. And maybe on the second date he was aware the first date was a disaster, so it added to his fears.

It could also be a case of terrible shyness and once he feels more comfortable with someone, he’s able to relax and be himself.

Maybe you should take a three strikes and you’re out approach?

So give him one last shot and, if you’re still feeling the same as you did on the previous dates, and if he’s still doing things that are driving you mad, then move on, put it down to experience and keep swiping.

On the positive side, you’re dating again and even if a guy isn’t right for you, it’s nice to pass some time with different people.

It will build resilience and give you the confidence to keep trying.