Turn-off Thursday
Q. What connects Game of Thrones, How I Met Your Mother, Lost, and Titanic?
A. You should switch them all off before the
end. Titanic because it’s just so, so sad (even Leo Dicaprio thinks he could’ve fit on that door). And the others because their finales were so, so bad, you wonder if the writers had gone down the pub and left
work experience in charge. Yet somehow all three still ranked in the BBC’S 100
greatest TV series of the 21st Century this week ( fifth, 19th and 86th, behind The Wire in the number one slot). Who knows what the writers were thinking for GOT season nine. But spoiler alert, I think it was something like this:
– “So guys, last season! After eight seasons of slow, meticulous build-up,
we’ll finally see a big showdown with the Night King!”
– “No, we won’t.”
– “Uh?”
– “It happens at night.” – “So?”
– “It needs be dark.”
– “Yes, but light enough so people can still see?”
– “No really dark so people can barely make out anything on screen...”
– “Okaaaay. Well at least we’ll see Daenerys, one of TV’S few portrayals of a powerful single woman, finally sit on the Iron Throne.”
– “She’s going to bed Jon Snow.” – “More incest?? OK, the girl’s still on fire at least. She’s still going to help thousands of ordinary people.”
– “No, the ordinary people are on fire. – “Sorry?”
– “After 10 years freeing slaves, Daenerys will suddenly go mad in the last two episodes, burn thousands of men, women and children and die at the hand of our male hero Jon Snow.”
– “Right [Pensive pause]. So fan favourite Tyrion gets the throne? – “No, Stark.”
– “Sansa? Great!..”
– “Bran”
– “Oh. [Painfully long silence] You Worked on Titanic, didn’t you?”
- “How did you know?!”