Worried about hubby’s email flirting

I’m concerned about whether my husband is getting emotionally involved with a female colleague and if I need to do anything about it.

We’ve been together for eight years and have two young children. Although I’d say our relationship is good, we have had major fall-outs over his flirting with other women.

Recently, I found some emails on his personal account from one of his female workmates. To be honest, they were all to do with problems she’s having at work, but the tone of his replies is definitely overfamiliar.

He started one email with “Hi beautiful” and said in another one that he’s “always there for her” and wants to help if he can.

I haven’t spoken to him about these emails, mostly because I’ll have to admit I’ve been snooping but, also, I don’t really know what to say, as there’s nothing obviously “wrong” or sexual about them. I feel like I’ve been down this road with him before and I get so angry every time I think about it.

In the past he’s always made me feel petty or stupid when I’ve brought up his flirting, saying I need to relax and to stop reading things into perfectly innocent situations.

Am I going loopy? I think his focus should be here at home with us and he shouldn’t be looking for ways to get closer to other women. Please help.

Coleen says

Well, these emails are on his personal account and not his work one and “Hi beautiful” is not very professional.

They may very well be innocent and friendly, and he’s just listening to a mate and offering advice, but I think in the context of his previous flirting, you’re worried about the subtext and where it’s leading.

I think you need a bigger conversation about your relationship and how his behaviour generally makes you feel – insecure and worried.

There’s obviously a trust issue here that needs to be addressed, so in terms of the “snooping” you have to be honest that you don’t trust him and that’s why you’re checking his emails.

Putting off the conversation isn’t going to help. Your mind will keep ending up at the worst-case scenario, so address it now.

I’d also suggest counselling to get to the root of these trust issues and how you take your relationship forward.

Emotional affairs usually start innocently enough and can progress to full-blown affairs – and the workplace is often where they happen.

He has a history of this which is why I’m concerned