Just can’t trust him as he lies to me all the time
My boyfriend and I are both in our late 20s and, over the past few months, we’ve been arguing constantly over everything and I can’t really work out why things have escalated.
We’ve been together for a couple of years and I think part of the problem could be that I don’t trust him completely. He’s never given me any reason to suspect he’s been unfaithful, however he does lie all the time about silly things like going for a drink with his mates and I don’t know why he does it.
Maybe he just can’t be bothered to tell me things, but it makes me think that he’s hiding stuff.
Recently, he told me he was going round to see his mum and then I found out he’d gone to the pub with some of our friends, but didn’t invite me. We had a massive argument over it and he walked out.
My point is, how can I trust him when he constantly lies to me? He thinks I overreact to everything and doesn’t see why he has to tell me what he’s doing every minute of the day. I love him and see a future with him, but we’re stuck in a rut.
Coleen says
Well, maybe he knows you don’t trust him 100%, so is worried about telling you what he’s up to in case you get angry or jump to the wrong conclusion.
So, maybe you need to be honest with yourself and ask why you’re feeling insecure – could it be that you’ve been lied to or cheated on in the past?
Have a think about what could be at the root of your trust issues and how you can work on that.
But also explain to your boyfriend that being transparent about what he’s up to is important because it builds trust. And if he’s lying to you about all this small stuff then you’re going to assume he’s also covering up bigger stuff.
It’s important to be open and honest in a relationship, but also not to be unreasonable when the other person goes for a drink with his mates.
I think you need to have a conversation about boundaries that work for both of you and that don’t limit the other person. Some more openness from him and less overreacting from you.
You also need to be able to talk honestly without every conversation descending into an argument. You have to be able to appreciate the other person’s point of view and come up with compromises if you want a long-lasting relationship.
Told me he was seeing his mum but he went drinking