Flatmate is being mean about my lovely new bloke

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my late-20s and recently started dating someone who’s really great and things look promising. However, I live in a flat share with two other women and one of them knows my boyfriend, as he asked her out about a year ago after they met in a bar.

Apparently, she turned him down, but since she found out I’m dating him, she’s been acting weird. She even makes jokes to our other housemate in front of me about how “odd” my boyfriend is, saying I need to be careful because he has a reputation as a player.

I feel really hurt by this and think she’s being immature and downright bitchy. I’ve told him about how she reacted and he’s been cool about it, saying not everyone is going to like him and that it won’t stop him coming over to my flat.

But I feel awkward about inviting him over. I just can’t understand why she’s had such an over-the-top reaction. He’s never given me any signs of being a player or dodgy, and his friends are nice too.

Right now, I feel like moving out, although that would be a massive hassle and I don’t see why I should have to.

What’s your advice?

Coleen says

Of course you shouldn’t move out. This is her issue to deal with, although I’m struggling to work out what her issue actually is! Has she given you any real reasons for thinking these things about your boyfriend? Have you quizzed her about it?

If she can’t come up with anything concrete, then maybe there’s a bit of jealousy and regret on her side.

I agree it’s immature and I think you should tell her directly that you find her comments hurtful and that the way she’s behaving is creating a bad atmosphere at home.

It’s not funny to badmouth your boyfriend or try to undermine your feelings for him. Also, speak to your other housemate and get her support. I’m sure she’ll back you up and will want to sort things out amicably, so she doesn’t end up stuck in the middle.

My feeling is that if your flatmate had a proper reason to warn you off this man, then she wouldn’t be joking about it, she’d tell you directly in a mature conversation.

Perhaps if he does start coming over and she gets to know him better, she’ll back off and you may get an apology.

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I now feel so awkward about inviting him over