Is this the kiss of death for our marriage?

I’m worried my marriage could be over and need some advice. My husband and I have had a rough time recently.

He left his job last year because of stress, so we sold our house and moved in with his parents to buy some time for him to find something else.

We have a two-year-old daughter, so it’s been really great for her to spend time with her grandparents.

But because of all the stress, along with our living situation, my husband and I haven’t had sex in ages. And the other night, when everyone else was in bed, he grabbed hold of me in the kitchen and kissed me.

But rather than being into it and feeling turned on, it just felt awkward and I didn’t want him near me. I’m sure it was obvious from my face and the way I pulled away how I felt in that moment, which I feel bad about.

It’s made me worry our relationship has gone from lovers to friends in the space of a few months and it’s sad. I don’t want to kick him when he’s down by getting into this with him – also we don’t have much privacy at his parents’ place – but I need to work out how I really feel about our marriage. I’d love your advice.

Coleen says

It sounds like you need some space to help you see things more clearly and work out what you want. It’s a tough situation, living with the in-laws, even if they’re lovely and you like them.

They’re not your parents, so I don’t think you feel completely at ease in the way you do with your own mum and dad.

So maybe a time out, where you stay with your family or a friend, would give you a break and help you see things more clearly. But I do think you should tell your husband you’re struggling to feel good about the relationship. There’s always going to be a reason not to bring it up with him, so the sooner the better in my opinion.

Even just expressing how you feel could help take some weight off your shoulders. As far as the lack of sex goes, if you’re feeling unhappy, down or under pressure, then it can be hard to get into the right frame of mind and I think this is especially true for women.

From your husband’s side of things, he could be worrying he’s let you down and his confidence might be low.

There’s nothing like stress to throw a cold bucket of water on your sex drive.

Instead of working to get through this as a team, you’re dealing with it separately.

Acknowledge that you’re not in the best situation, but agree not to panic and make a plan to move forward.

“

I’m worried we’ve gone from lovers to friends