Mum is refusing all ideas to celebrate her 70th birthday
I’m looking for some advice on how to cope with my mum at the moment. We’ve had loads of dramas around her 70th birthday, in that she’s gone out of her way to ruin everything we had planned for her.
First of all, we arranged a surprise party, which she got wind of and told us to cancel, saying she didn’t want it.
So, reluctantly I did, after my husband said that not everyone likes parties or being the centre of attention. We scaled down the celebrations and booked a birthday meal at a nice restaurant for just close family and a couple of her best friends.
On the morning of the dinner, she texted me to say she wasn’t feeling great, so had to cancel!
I couldn’t believe it and tried to call her, but she wouldn’t pick up. However, we drove past her later that day, out shopping on the high street.
This behaviour seems odd and I don’t know why she’s reacting like this when we’re just trying to do something nice for her. I haven’t confronted her yet over seeing her in the street after she claimed to be unwell and don’t really know what to say, to be honest.
I’m annoyed with her, but also quite confused.
Coleen says
Milestone birthdays can trigger things in people and maybe your mum doesn’t want to celebrate being 70. Yes, it’s a bit sad – some people don’t even get to that age – but if she doesn’t like all the fuss and being centre of attention, you have to accept that. Don’t take it personally.
When she asked you to cancel the party, I think she was telling you that she didn’t want any kind of celebration – and then you organised the meal.
But did you ever ask her what she actually wanted to do?
Maybe she would have preferred to have a nice lunch just with you, or go for a trip to the beach or see a movie or a show. Look, my family loves a big celebration and we never let a birthday pass without getting the whole Nolan clan together for a shindig.
We grew up throwing massive parties but, for some people out there, that all just feels overwhelming and stressful.
So don’t get angry with your mum. Ask her if she’s OK and explain that you just wanted to celebrate her special occasion, but don’t do it in an angry way.
It’s lovely that you wanted to mark her big birthday, but it’s just not what she wanted. Maybe if you talk, you can come up with a low-key alternative.
She cried off as being ill, then I saw her out shopping!