Son’s infatuated with controlling attention seeker

I have a son, who’s 19, and he’s been in an on-off relationship with a girl, who’s the same age, for about 18 months. She’s broken up with him several times, but he always welcomes her back with open arms, even though she’s slept with other guys during these breaks.

My son is pretty sensitive and probably a bit naïve, but is really caring, generous and kind. I hate to see him heartbroken and messed about by this girl, who’s an arch manipulator and attention seeker. However, she’s very attractive and popular in their friendship group, and I don’t think he can believe his luck that she’s chosen him.

Unfortunately, I think he’s infatuated with her and blinded by her looks, so I don’t fancy my chances when it comes to advising him on their relationship. I just wish I could help him to see what she’s really like.

Absolutely everything is on her terms – when they see each other, what they do and who they hang out with. He’s also become her personal taxi driver since passing his driving test and she frequently calls him in the middle of the night to take her home when she’s been out with her mates. Please help.

Coleen says

This is difficult because I think the more you criticise her, the more he’ll dig his heels in and he’ll also start to resent you. It might be better to work on building his self-esteem and confidence as he needs to believe he deserves better than this relationship. At the moment, she’s holding all the cards and pulling all the strings.

Perhaps what you should say is, “You know I don’t like the way she treats you and I think you deserve better, but it’s your life and I will be here for you if she breaks your heart”.

But don’t drive him away, so he stops confiding in you or cuts you off completely because then you won’t know what’s going on. Don’t let her come between the two of you.

In terms of the future, they’re both still very young, so it’s unlikely they’ll end up together. It sounds to me as if she’s someone who likes to keep her options open, so she might run off with the next guy who shows up and pays her a bit of attention.

Stay close to your son and be there to pick up the pieces. As a parent, it’s hard to see your child in a relationship that’s not good for them, but you also have to let them make their own mistakes and learn from these situations.

She sleeps with other guys then he takes her back