Financial issues are tearing our marriage apart
My marriage is in a huge mess right now and I feel very worried, sad and desperate.
My husband has got us into financial problems because he kept borrowing to support his business, which has gone down the tubes. It’s caused so many horrible arguments between us, which I’m sorry to say, our two kids have witnessed more times than I’m happy to admit.
Just the other day, my seven-year-old actually asked if we could move in with my mum to stop all the arguments. It broke my heart and I felt like the worst mum in the world.
I do love my husband and I feel terrible that he’s in this situation and very stressed, but I can’t stand being around him right now.
I have thought about divorce, but just keep thinking of the kids and whether it’s better to struggle through this patch and keep the family together or to leave and start again. It’s not fair for them to see their parents at each other’s throats all the time.
I’m sure my mum and dad would take us in, but it seems like a big step and I have this overwhelming feeling that I’ve failed. I’d love your advice.
Coleen says
Why do you think you’ve failed? Life throws challenges at us that inevitably put pressure on relationships. Firstly, if nothing else, you need a break.
Why not stay with your parents until things have calmed down a bit? Don’t think of it as a permanent separation, but a temporary measure to give both you and your husband space and to remove some of the pressure.
You’re both feeling stressed and taking it out on each other, but when it’s affecting the kids and one of them wants to move out, you must listen.
Money worries are incredibly stressful and I feel for your husband, too. The pressure on him must be awful and, if you’re feeling a failure, then I’m sure he feels the same. He’ll be worrying that he’s let you all down.
So maybe you need to be more aware of that and find more empathy for each other. And if you’re annoyed with him over something, wait until the kids are at school or in bed before you address it. When I felt angry, I used to find that by the time the kids were tucked up, my anger had gone and I could have a calm conversation rather than a screaming match.
If you’re both shouting, no one’s listening and it’s impossible to have any kind of productive discussion. Finally, don’t make knee-jerk decisions around divorce while everything feels so raw and stressful. Take a time out, go to your parents and remember, he’s in pain, too.
My son even asked if we could live with my mum