LOVE IS IN THE CARE THE CARE
»»‘Look after your relationship and romance will last forever’ »»Top psychologist reveals her secrets to staying strong
Falling in love easy when you’ve chemistry & common interests MICHAELA BRADY PSYCHOTHERAPIST
LOVE is the subject of movies, songs, books and much psychological and scientific study.
Why do so many relationships fall apart, while others improve with time?
As a psychotherapist, I’ve supported many clients through the highs and lows of love.
I’ve learned from their stories and developed insights from a few of my own.
Here are my signs that you are in a great relationship – and how to get back on track, if not.
Take the Gottman Assessment
This is the world’s first relationship wellness measurement tool. It’s based on the “Gottman Method”, the gold standard for couples’ counselling.
It analyses strengths and weaknesses in key areas, including friendship and intimacy, sex and passion, conflict management, shared meaning and trust and commitment. You receive an overall score plus a tailored plan to strengthen your connection.
Make the effort
Falling in love is easy when you have chemistry, common interests and shared values.
Both parties present their best selves, with romantic gestures, respect, enthusiasm and affection.
It’s called the “honeymoon phase” – see new celeb couple Taylor Swift and her football star boyfriend Travis Kelce. It’s a phase destined to change.
With time, issues arise, feathers get ruffled and efforts can dim.
If your relationship is to thrive, it’s essential to invest some of the effort so freely given in the beginning.
It’s a willingness to treat each other as we would like to be treated with kindness, consideration, compassion and consistency. To show through actions and words that we value, respect and appreciate each other.
Create trust
It’s not just about being faithful; rather showing up in ways that signal you can be relied upon.
This creates safety, connection and intimacy. We all mess up sometimes, which can tarnish trust. For it to be rebuilt, it’s crucial to take accountability and use mistakes as learning curves.
It’s a red flag if the apology is insincere or not backed by behavioural
What time do you allocate to have fun? MICHAELA BRADY PSYCHOTHERAPIST
change. So is a refusal to apologise or acknowledge feelings, as this shows a lack of empathy and emotional maturity.
Improve communication
Communication forms the basis of all relationships and can enhance or destroy them.
Ask yourself how you can convey what you need to say in a clear, open and respectful way? Or how would you like it said to you?
When giving feedback, be specific and separate the behaviour from the person. Make “I” not “you” statements to replace the blame game with taking ownership of wants, needs and feelings. Resist urge to interrupt.
Conflict resolution
Conflict is an inevitable part of relationships when expectations and needs clash.
If you are having disputes, it’s most likely the same type of row on repeat.
Resolving conflict requires expressing yourself in respectful ways and replacing criticism with constructive feedback. It’s tackling one thing at a time and pressing pause if things get too heated.
It’s learning to listen, empathise, collaborate and make compromises.
Put the phone down
Our phone connects us to those far away and disconnects us from those close by.
It’s disrespectful, devaluing and frustrating if someone is constantly scrolling. Do a phone detox during quality time together, which sends signals of interest, respect and presence.
Have fun
When providing relationship coaching, I always ask: “What time do you allocate to have fun?” Tricky, especially if you are at loggerheads. But sometimes we need to put a pin in it, take a break from the stresses of life and have a date night.
Think of your relationship like a bank account. To reap the rewards of financial stability requires making sacrifices and a commitment to regular deposits. A relationship is the same, if you want the long-term benefits you must invest the effort.