Shocked that love of my life says I’m not her ‘forever’ guy
I realise this letter is going to sound sad, or perhaps even pathetic. I’m a man in my late 20s and I’m madly in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way about me.
Honestly, it’s torture at the moment because we’re together, but she’s made it clear that I’m not her forever person.
I’ve loved her from afar for years and then we ended up at a mutual friend’s house party, got talking properly for the first time, had a few too many vinos and ended up spending the night together.
She says I make her laugh and that she has a lot of fun with me but wants our relationship to be “light” and “uncomplicated”.
I’ve been biding my time, hoping I’ll change her mind or she’ll suddenly realise what a catch I am (ha, ha), but it hasn’t happened. Then last week, she told me she was packing in her job in two months and going travelling around Europe with a friend. It was a blow, and it was hard to hide my shock and devastation.
What can I do about this situation? I love her and want to be with her, and it cuts so deep that she doesn’t think of me in the same way.
Coleen says
It’s not pathetic, it’s unrequited love and many of us have been in the same boat you’re in now.
It’s horrible and painful but the simple truth is, you can’t force someone to love you.
She knows she’s in control of this situation and I think she likes having fun with you, but is also keeping her options open in case her “forever” person shows up.
Yes, she’s been honest with you, but there’s also something a little smug and arrogant in telling you so easily that you’re not her forever guy and that she wants something “uncomplicated”.
Well, what do you want? If you can’t have the type of relationship you want with her, then I think you’re wasting your time. You sound lovely, funny, self-deprecating and resilient – all qualities that would make you very attractive to other women.
My advice is, play it cool, let her go off to Europe with her mate, don’t make a fuss about it and give her the opportunity to miss you and realise that you are, in fact, a catch.
OK, maybe it won’t work, but I think it’s your best chance. Also, when she’s away, please don’t sit around your bedroom feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t put your life on hold while she’s off having fun. Your own forever person might be around the next corner. Good luck.