Mum’s man keeps trying to ‘help’ me

I’m a 19-year-old lad and live with my mum, younger brother and now my mum’s partner, who moved in a few months ago.

When she first got together with him, I was happy for her, as she’d been on her own for a long time and he’s a good guy.

My dad left when I was four and my brother was just a baby, so I have no memories of him and we haven’t heard from him since.

My problem is, my mum’s boyfriend has started to really wind me up. He’s interfering in my business and I can’t deal with it.

He keeps trying to “advise” me on how to save money for uni, gives me lectures on friendships and drinking, and how I should help my mum out more around the house.

Things came to a head last week when he started going on about where I should park my mum’s car in town, so it wouldn’t get nicked, and I said those words: “You’re not my dad!”

I know it’s a cliché, but I’m starting to feel under pressure from him.

My mum is totally loved up and won’t hear a bad word against him. What can I do?

Coleen says

Well, look, I think it depends how you talk to your mum about her partner.

Why can’t you have a quiet word with her and explain that you’re finding the relationship with her partner tricky and ask her for help?

This is a new situation for all of you and I think it’s important that everyone feels they can be open and truthful.

It might also help to put

I said those words to him, ‘You’re not my dad!’

yourself in his shoes – it’s really hard being a stepparent and especially in a situation like yours where the three of you have been such a tight unit for so long.

So, I think his intentions are probably good, but he’s coming on too strong.

It’s a steep learning curve and it’s going to take time to settle in to living under the same roof and being a new type of family.

But try not to fall out with him, especially as you’ll be going off to uni and your brother will also be leaving home in a few years.

Isn’t it nice to think your mum will have a partner who loves and cares for her when you go?

I’m sure your mum will understand and hopefully she’ll talk to her partner and he’ll back off a bit and give you some space.