Partner made me feel fat and angry

My partner, who I’ve been with for eight years, has really hurt my feelings and I’m not sure how I can forgive him.

We have a family wedding coming up in spring and I’ve been looking for outfits to wear. I found a dress I really liked, so I bought it and tried it on one evening and asked him what he thought.

His first comment was: “Really?” When I asked what he meant, he said: “I’m not sure you should be wearing something like that with your figure”. It felt so unkind.

He may as well have said I was fat and out of shape and he doesn’t fancy me any more!

We had a row and he just kept saying he thought I’d want him to be honest and he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings.

I suppose it was the way he said it that really got to me. I have struggled a bit with my weight since lockdown and have also undergone fertility treatment, which made me put on weight.

I feel so down about myself, but don’t know how to speak to my partner about it, especially as I’m so angry with him right now. Any suggestions?

Coleen says

I think some men might argue that they can’t win. If he’d said: “Yeah, I love it”, and you’d gone to the wedding and felt rubbish, you might have had a go at him for not being honest.

Personally, I never ask my partner what he thinks of an outfit because I don’t want the absolute truth!

Look, he’s been a plonker. I think the way he worded it was clumsy and sounded mean, but hopefully the next time you ask him, he’ll engage his brain first.

He could have said: “It does nothing for you”, “I think something else would suit you better”, or, “It’s not very flattering”, instead.

But don’t stew on it.

Explain that his choice of words made you feel bad about yourself when you’re already lacking confidence.

You’re obviously going through a lot with fertility treatment, which has a huge impact physically and mentally. So, when you hear a thoughtless comment like this, it’s bound to be triggering.

It sounds like you need reassurance from him, but maybe your relationship needs some TLC, too. IVF is tough on couples and it’s easy to lose sight of each other when you’re so focused on getting pregnant.

Do some nice things for yourself and each other. Good luck.

He says he thought I’d want him to be honest