The love guru’s guide to dating

rations, people with y nest syndrome, be even widows or wers. o those aged 50 and tend to have a smaller l circle than younger le, and so the internet mes the number-one t for meeting people. It’s effective than hoping d a new love, say, at work or in a

ivate your interests

you decided that online dating is y not for you? Another way of asing your chances of finding love pick something you’re passionate t and become exceptional at it. will increase your “social capital”, nding your network and making tand out to potential partners. For mple, if you love singing, perhaps an take some lessons, join a choir ake part in local performances – will make more people want to get ow you.

THE FIRST DATE Don’t go for dinner

So you’ve hit it off, swapped numbers and arranged to go on a first date.

Don’t automatically book the most romantic restaurant in town. Yes, really, I think going for dinner on a first date sucks. It takes a long time to get ready for, it’s costly, you can’t gauge body language, and then you proceed to interview each other while chomping on food.

Instead, why not take a walk together, perhaps to or from a coffee shop?

You can see the person’s entire body, talking while walking side by side is unthreatening and there’s much less pressure, which will help to alleviate any first-date nerves.

This allows you to evaluate two key things: are you actually physically attracted to the person, and are they actively listening? That’s enough to know if it’s worth going on a second date.

Ask genuine questions

Worried about awkward silences? Don’t come armed with a mental list of opening lines or funny anecdotes. This isn’t your authentic self showing up. Instead, simply be curious about the other person. What do you genuinely want to know about them? People used to say that confidence equals sexy; I say in 2024, curiosity equals sexy.

Don’t worry if you have different interests

So you love Richard Curtis romcoms but you discover that your date prefers horror films? This does not mean it’s an immediate write-off.

Data shows that interests are fairly insignificant in a relationship.

Values are important – for example, maybe you both appreciate creativity – but if you like pop music and they like hip hop, this doesn’t mean anything.

It’s not always about ‘the spark’

Hollywood will have you believe that it should be heart-stopping, butterfliesin-your-stomach love at first sight, but if you’re worried that you haven’t immediately swooned, consider other definitions of “spark” aside from physical attraction.

Is there an instant desire to know more about this person? If the answer is “yes”, then this is a good sign. This is far more important than infatuation.

THE NEXT STAGE Talk about sex

You’ve been on a few dates, it’s going well and you’re ready to take things to the next stage – but this can be a nerve-racking prospect, especially if you haven’t been intimate for a long time. What if they do it differently? What if their “vanilla” is your “wild”?

It’s important to have discussions about sex early on in your relationship, however awkward this may initially seem, and ensure that emotional intimacy is there first.

The higher the emotional connection, the better the satisfaction around sex. When you look at why people have unsatisfactory sex, there are often external issues at play, such as anxiety or insecurities.

Introducing your new partner

Having your new love meet your family and friends is a relationship step not to be taken lightly. Your family is like your treasure, and people have to earn it. The right time to make these introductions is when you feel safe with a partner, when they’ve proven their integrity and when you trust them. For some, this could be weeks – for some it could be months.

And it’s best to make these meetings outside the home. Your home is sacred and may have lots of memories attached. Instead, suggest meeting up in a neutral zone like a park or a coffee shop.

■■Find Love by Paul C Brunson (Happy Place Books) is out now.

Be curious about the other person, what do you genuinely want to know?