Husband’s picked pub ukelele nights over our marriage

I hope you can help with the very frustrating situation I’ve found myself in.

I’ve always thought of my husband as my best friend. In fact, I pretty much gave up everything – social life, family, job – to relocate to a very quiet rural community with him seven years ago.

He’d had enough of his job and the “rat race”, as he put it, and wanted a different lifestyle and I believed in him, so didn’t think twice about supporting this idea.

However, it’s massively backfired on me because now he wants to leave me! He claims there’s no one else, although I’m not sure I believe him.

He says our beliefs don’t align any more and he feels I resent him for moving us out of the city. He’s so arrogant!

He spends all his time in the local boozer, singing and playing his ukulele with the regulars. He’s clearly found his niche, but I just don’t fit into it.

I didn’t resent him for moving us here, but I do now because I’ve given up so much, only for him to cast our marriage aside without any real explanation.

I hate thinking about the fact that I’ve gone along with all his plans and never thought about my own, agreeing to follow him to the middle of nowhere and not to have kids.

By the way, I turned 38 in January.

It sounds like The Great Escape to me, love. You could have spent another 10 years watching him play the ukulele in the pub, but at 38 you have your whole life ahead of you (even if it doesn’t feel like it now).

You are free to start putting your plans into action – how exciting is that? Whether you want to move, pick up your career, travel or be a mum, you can.

You did give everything to support his dreams, but can learn from this experience. Yes, when you’re in a relationship you have to give parts of yourself, but you must not lose yourself in the process.

You’ve learned this valuable lesson at 38. It took me until I was in my 50s to start considering what I wanted.

Now I’m in a relationship with Michael and it’s a partnership of equals because I made sure it was, and I’m very happy. In the past I was always focused on what would make my partner happy, but now I have the confidence to say what I want.

A big part of getting to that point was spending a few years on my own and realising I could do it and didn’t need anyone else.

If you love yourself and can enjoy your own company, you won’t latch on to the next guy who shows you affection; you’ll be stronger and you’ll make a better choice. Good luck.

I’ve given up so much only for him to cast me aside