Meeting for chats and kisses but we are both married

I really need you to talk some sense into me. I’m a married woman in my early 40s and for the past couple of months I’ve been having this thing with another guy, who’s a family friend and also married.

We haven’t slept together but, whenever we get the chance, we meet up and kiss and talk. The chemistry is electrifying and he’s all I think about.

It started one night at a house party when we got talking in the garden.

No one else was around, we were both a bit drunk and he leaned in and kissed me.

He apologised straight after, but said he’d wanted to do it for years. He also said if we weren’t married to other people, he’d be pursuing me hard.

Then last week, he called me up and said we had to stop because he’d started panicking about his wife finding out and reckons that she’s already suspicious because she keeps asking weird questions.

I agree the whole thing is crazy and I don’t want our partners getting hurt, but I do also feel addicted to him and the excitement.

We’ve agreed to stay good friends, but I just don’t know how it’ll be possible – can that work? People might get suspicious if we start avoiding each other.

How can things go back to normal now?

You have crossed a line, so it will be hard to go back.

If you genuinely want to end this flirtation, then you’ll have to put some distance between the two of you.

If you see each other occasionally at group events, I’m sure you’ll manage, but don’t have any other contact, including texts and phone calls.

You have to ask if it’s worth destroying two marriages over what sounds to me like a teenage crush. You’re snogging in gardens at house parties! And while you may not have slept together, trust me, the damage to your relationships from serious flirting can be just as bad.

Things are probably a bit stale in both your marriages, but instead of working on that you’re looking for thrills somewhere else.

Focus on your marriage and what’s going to make you more fulfilled.

This situation could so easily lead to a full-blown affair, which will make things a hell of a lot more complicated. Imagine what your life would be like if the pair of you were caught kissing.

Give your marriage some thought and attention, and decide what you want to do without being distracted by this other guy.