Why is my husband laid back about me seeing guy?

I’m a woman in my late 30s, I’ve been married for six years and we have one daughter, who’s just over a year old. I’m a bit confused about the state of my marriage and hope you can shed some light on it.

Recently, I reconnected with an old boss of mine, a great guy who I get on brilliantly with. I think he carried a torch for me back in the day, but I was engaged to my husband and, being a decent guy, he never said anything to me, although it was a kind of open secret in the office that he liked me.

Anyway, he wants to meet for dinner to catch up, so I ran it by my husband – not that I need his permission or anything, but just in the spirit of being open and honest.

He’s aware my ex-boss fancied me, but was fine with us meeting, in fact it seemed like he was actually encouraging it! Which got me wondering why.

My husband works in the city and we live in the suburbs, so he’s frequently home late because he often goes to work functions or out with his colleagues for a drink.

I’ve never complained about this and never been suspicious, until now.

He’s always mentioning female colleagues and I’m wondering if it’s a smokescreen for flirtations or affairs.

Am I overthinking all of this?

Coleen says

I think you probably are. If your husband had objected to your dinner date with your old boss, you’d have been annoyed and might have written to me, saying how unreasonable he is!

It sounds as if maybe you wanted him to be jealous, so I wonder if you’re feeling a bit neglected in the romantic sense and, subconsciously, this dinner date is a way of getting him to sit up and take notice. That’s something to consider. Also, you know this guy fancied you, so maybe look deeper at your motives for meeting him. Are you bored and unfulfilled? Are you craving some romantic and sexual excitement?

If you’re getting quite excited about meeting this guy from your past, that’s probably making you wonder if your husband is feeling the same way about another woman.

Reading between the lines, I think you’re worried that you and your husband aren’t as close as you should be, so discuss it. It could be you simply need some reassurance and you probably both need a reminder not to neglect your relationship.

Also, have you thought about the fact that maybe your husband just trusts you, knows you’re happy together and therefore doesn’t need to worry about this ex-boss?