How do I get out of aunt’s wedding to a man I loathe?
My auntie (my mum’s sister) has sent me an invitation to her wedding in a month’s time. I know other people got their invites a couple of months ago, so it feels like an afterthought. The thing is, I was relieved not to be invited, so now I’m left with a dilemma.
She’s marrying this guy who’s awful and my husband can’t stand him, which is probably why we weren’t in the first round of invites.
The backstory is, my husband worked for my aunt’s fiancé for a while and he treated him very badly, as in undermining him, belittling him and so on.
Luckily, he moved on and my husband is much happier at work, but there’s no way he’ll go to his wedding.
In normal circumstances, I’d say we can’t make it and make up some excuse about the kids having stuff on, but my mum has Parkinson’s and I know it would mean the world to her to have me and the kids there.
What should I do? Make my mum happy and go with the kids, while quietly seething over the groom’s treatment of my husband? Or, do I just send my apologies? My aunt is a lovely woman, but her taste in men leaves a lot to be desired!
Coleen says
Well, it probably would be nice for your mum to have you and her grandkids there but, equally,
I’m sure if you explained how you feel about this man, then she’d understand and wouldn’t guilt-trip you into going. Have you been honest with her about how he treated your husband or have you glossed over it in order to keep the peace?
I have a feeling your mum’s loyalty would lie with you and it doesn’t mean she can’t be there for her sister and enjoy the day. You could send a gift and a nice note to your auntie, thanking her for the invite and wishing her well, but declining her invite to the wedding.
I’m not sure you have to come up with any excuse other than you can’t make it. I imagine your auntie is well aware of the situation, so maybe left you off the list, then felt bad and invited you late in the day, perhaps hoping you wouldn’t be able to make it!
I don’t think you should feel bad about not going and, as long as you’re polite, there’s no reason why anyone should feel offended.
Unfortunately, it’s not a given that we’re going to like the people our loved ones choose as partners, but sometimes we have to grin and bear it. Going forward, I’m sure you can find ways to spend time with your mum and your auntie without her partner being there.
Mum would love me to go so I have a real dilemma