Fiancé’s pal seems to think she’s the woman in his life

I’m engaged to be married after being with my fiancé for three years and we moved in together last May. We’re both 29 and felt ready to make these commitments to each other, and it’s very exciting.

However, I have a major issue with a female friend of his, whom he knew before I was on the scene. I truly think she’s trying to undermine our relationship and turn my fiancé against me, but he won’t hear a bad word against her.

He admitted to me that he used to fancy her years ago when they first met, but she wasn’t interested in him in a romantic way, although they stayed close friends.

This is the interesting bit – when he told her he’d started dating me, she was really off with him (almost angry, according to him) and then she told him a few days later that she felt more for him than friendship and wanted to give things a go.

My fiancé let her down gently and apparently things haven’t been awkward between them since. However, I hate the way she calls him at all hours of the day and night, and doesn’t seem to care that I’m there.

She also arranges things for the two of them to do where I’m not invited. It’s like she’s not even acknowledging me or the fact we’re getting married!

What do you think?

This friend sounds a bit controlling and possessive. However, the jealousy might not be coming from a romantic attachment. It might be that she just hates that her friend has fallen in love with someone else.

She’s used to having him to herself and him being at her beck and call. Often, it’s a case of I’m not sure I want him but I don’t want anyone else to have him either.

However, make no mistake, this is her issue and I don’t like the fact that you’re being made to feel unreasonable and difficult.

She ought to be the one making an effort to get to know you better and be friends with you if she wants to continue being in your fiancé’s life. Also, he needs to start putting you first and sticking up for you, and you must make that very clear to him.

Tell him that it feels as if he’s prioritising her over you and that’s not acceptable moving forward. You’re about to get married!

You’re not asking him to dump her as a mate, but there needs to be boundaries going forward that you’re both OK with.

If he’s not willing to listen and respect how you feel, then you have to ask yourself whether he’s mature enough to make this commitment to you.

Don’t be afraid to have this conversation and work it out before you walk down the aisle.

She calls at all hours and doesn’t care that I’m there