I’m feeling jealous of my gorgeous teenage daughter

I’m a married woman in my early 50s and my problem is quite hard to admit.

My husband and I have one daughter, who’s 15, and I catch myself feeling very envious of her. She’s completely gorgeous inside and out, and gets so much attention and positivity from everyone she meets.

She’s incredibly clever and has, well, pretty much everything going for her. It’s fantastic.

I’m so proud of her and so is my husband, but secretly I feel jealous, and I know how bad that sounds. I haven’t admitted this to anyone, not even really to myself until now.

Am I a bad person? Or completely bonkers?

She went to a school dance at Christmas and looked like a supermodel (and so grown up) in her sparkly dress. While I told her how fabulous she looked and wished her a great time, I cried in the car on my way home from dropping her off.

I suppose the truth is, she just reminds me of what I don’t have any more, that I’m very obviously middle-aged and my best years are behind me.

Please shed some light on this predicament and tell me I’m not a terrible mum.

Coleen says

I feel your pain and totally get where you’re coming from. I think it’s “a thing” and we should talk about it. I’m not sure it’s even jealously and it’s certainly not that you don’t love her and want the best for her – it’s you realising your baby is blossoming into a woman.

Meanwhile, you’re in your 50s and probably struggling with menopause, worrying that your job’s done, questioning your life, feeling old and invisible.

I felt all those things in my early 50s – it’s not easy. I remember my daughter Ciara getting ready for prom, and when she walked down the stairs, she took my breath away. But there was also this strange sadness that a fundamental stage in our relationship – her childhood – was over.

But I’m 59 now and I can honestly say I don’t feel like that. I can also promise that you get used to this next stage and you embrace it, and realise your life is far from done. As well as being able to enjoy more time for yourself, you can also enjoy life through your daughter.

Ciara will be 23 in June, she’s been travelling the world for three months and I’m loving watching her do all these exciting things.

These feelings you have now will change into something else. You’ll love your daughter’s friends and boyfriends coming over and reliving your youth through them. It’s fun. You should be proud of how great your daughter is, but be proud of yourself, too.

You’re not a terrible mum. Ciara messaged me this week saying she was “craving a mum cuddle”. We’ll always be their go-to.

I suppose she reminds me of what I don’t have any more