My illness made me self-harm ...I wanted to wash the cancer cells away
It turned out the initial treatment had got all the cancer.. I stopped hurting myself
RECALLS RECOVERY AFTER DOCTORS TOLD HER SHE WAS IN CLEAR
stopped hurting myself. In my head seeing and hearing that evidence gave me the proof I needed.
“My mind was at ease at last. I’m in a good place now.”
Cheryl does not blame anyone for “all of those years of psychological stress” and she remains a huge advocate for Britain’s NHS.
She recently went to Accident & Emergency for an unrelated leg infection and called staff “angels”.
But she does feel there needs to be more psychological support for people like her.
“I do blame myself a little for what I did – I felt as a strong woman I could deal with it all,” she adds. “But sometimes we all need to put our hands up and say ‘I need help’.
“We have to talk about these things otherwise nothing changes. Nothing is a taboo subject.
“There has to be more psychological support offered but all mental health services are stretched; there’s not enough money to go around.
“But it’s about helping your mind and body endure.”
One person who has been at her side throughout everything is Yassine, who Cheryl calls Yass, and who is 21 years her junior.
The pair met online in 2010 when he was living in his native Morocco and working for a car business. They married in 2011 but spent nine years living apart because of visa issues, family illness, an earthquake and the Covid-19 pandemic.
Last year they proved the naysayers wrong and moved into their new home in Blackpool, Lancs, along with Cheryl’s son, Alex, 24, from her first marriage to Alex Saddiqi, which ended in 2008.
Speaking publicly for the first time, Yass praises his wife’s courage and fortitude.
“When she told me about the cancer I thought I was going to lose her,” he says. “In my head, when you said cancer, it meant death.
“On top of what was happening in
Morocco – my grandmother’s death, my father’s illness – it was like I was already facing a wall full of cracks but her news made the wall crumble.
“It was the scariest thing.”
He likens her self-harm to “playing with the devil”.
“I was trying to stop her,” adds Cheryl’s husband, who works in a local restaurant. “I don’t feel I did enough, but I tried.
“I think the psychological aftermath of cancer can destroy some people as much as the disease itself; it’s like fighting an invisible enemy.
“But Cheryl is the strongest, most amazing person I have ever met. That’s one of the reasons I love her so much.” The couple have certainly endured a lot.
“People don’t bat an eyelid if an older man meets a younger woman but it’s not the same the other way round,” says Cheryl.
“Yassine is an intelligent man, he speaks languages, yet he was being called a ‘goat herder’.
“But we’re here now, we’re in Blackpool – the Vegas of the north! – and we’re settled.”
As for her advice to her pre-cancer ordeal self ?
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” she smiles. “Be strong.”